Why does it take death, or the threat of death, to create necessary change in our lives?
Sick people wait until they've been diagnosed with cancer before they make changes to their lifestyle. And healthy people wait until someone they love dies before they start telling those still living that they love them. Why do we wait so long before we take action?
When did death become a catalyst for living?
I waited until my Grandmother turned 90 before I started calling and visiting her on a regular basis. When she turned 90, it scared me. And like a much needed slap to the head, it woke me up. She will turn 92 in a few weeks and I feel more frightened than I did 2 years ago. It took the reality of her death being near for me to create change.
I waited until I was faced with an impending layoff at my first real job out of college to give myself the extra push I needed to start my own company. Ever since I was a kid I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur. But for whatever reason, I waited. I waited until it was physically impossible for me to wait anymore. It took the death of my first real job for me to create change.
I waited until I was in a near fatal motorcycle accident (police even prematurely announced me "dead on the scene") until I got up the balls to break up with my then girlfriend. I knew she was selfish and cared more for herself than me. But I needed that final punch to the gut. The timing of my accident wasn't convenient for her. It interrupted plans for a vacation I had promised to take her on. I needed to witness her lack of compassion and understanding. I needed to witness her thinking of only herself so I could do what was best for myself, which was to move on. It took the death of that relationship for me to create change.
Last week Apple CEO, Steve Jobs, announced he was resigning due to his declining health. Since then, countless news articles have been written about his resignation that read less like a corporate restructuring plan and more like a Steve Jobs obituary column! Steve Jobs is NOT dead! However, many are predicting the worse will happen sooner rather than later.
So today I leave you with some words on Life, Death, and most importantly Change...
2005 Stanford University Commencement
by: Steve Jobs
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
Here's to naked living.
8 comments:
i'm projecting my own habits on the entire human race here, but i think people by nature like to procrastinate. we need the pressure of the last minute to get things done, the ticking of the clock. death, or the looming threat of death, is the way life announces that it's coming down to the last minute, and that's when instinct tells us we should start working.
This is a really excellent post. I LOVED it. The lack of will to do something is often tied to self-esteem, and our perception of our goals with ourselves. Even in the examples you listed, you had to realize that you were WORTH it to pursue those goals.
I know that even in the same situations, other people wouldn't have made those choices (broke up with a girlfriend, focused on their career goals). Many people brush death and don't walk away from it unchanged. This is because change is a personal decision, not something that be forced down people's throats. You either want it or you don't. A lot of people don't have the self-esteem to say that their own life is worth living.
To me - this is the root of the issue. And for some people, that life has to be nearly taken away for it to start meaning something.
Great post.
I love what you said about self-esteem being needed to produce change. I never thought of it like that, but it's very true!
While some people feel motivated and excited when hearing an inspiring tale of how someone else changed their life...others can simply feel annoyed or depressed when hearing the same tale. I believe that is all due to self-esteem.
Some people simply don't believe they can do, or deserve, better. So they remain stuck.
I'm thinking that I'm older than all of you, and in my (cough) middle age, I have truly become the spokesperson for living your passion every day. For most, that can seem like a pipe dream, but yes, it takes a TREMENDOUS amount of self-esteem to say, "I can drop everything and make this happen."
I've been fortunate to be one of those people who loves what they do for work, and to pursue the things I love that I wouldn't otherwise be paid for (not yet anyway) as volunteer work or hobbies. Now, as those things have been edging ahead in my thought-processes and happiness, I'm trying to figure out how to actually turn those into something that I CAN get paid for.
Anyway, you have to have confidence to not be afraid of change. It is not worth it to be mired in the shit that isn't getting you to where you yearn to be. We all deserve to pursue that ONE thing that we were meant to do. And don't wait! Do it now!
I think death is really the only truly final thing in this world, which is why, until it has been close to you (and even then) it's nearly impossible to really grasp. Like the universe and it's infiniteness, we can't really wrap our heads around it because nothing so concrete exists in our worlds. Without finality, there is an endless amount of time to spend with those we love, fulfill our dreams, travel - there's always tomorrow, after all.
I've found that as I've gotten older & had more experience with death - as the conclusiveness of it really sinks in - I've taken a much more active role in pursuing my own happiness.
It's funny, because I've never really thought about it that way before, but maybe that answers a small part of that looming question of "why?" when death sidles up right next to us.
Life's greatest mysteries: answered. Hosted by, The Rest is Still Unwritten.
"Life's greatest mysteries: answered. Hosted by, The Rest is Still Unwritten."
Ha-ha. Love that, Jac!
I've heard a lot of people talk about embracing your fate; death is the inevitable. It is but if you embrace death you can forget to live.
I think people can take for granted that "survival instinct" that forces us to make changes for our own survival. When just as easily our bodies can give up and accept a fate particularly when our self esteem has been knocked out of us.
Living for the moment is hard especially if you're like me and have had to crawl your way back up from an acceptance of death..a welcoming of it.
I've had a near death experience and I've had a death of myself; you're right they do become a catalyst for change. A fear of death (both figurative and literal) in a reasonable amount is healthy. My motto for the year is be the change I want to see; basically the same idea as yours, it forces us to be a present force in our own lives. Are we living as we would want to live? Are we proud of who we are? If not, make the change.
The trick is to glance at our past selves (yesterday or a long time ago) long enough to know where we are changing from but for not so long our pasts paralyse us. If that makes any sense?
Forward is the only available direction in life. We can reflect on the journey before but we can't reverse our way back up the road. I think part of the challenge towards learning to live in the moment and embrace it is to also embrace that we can't get a do over. The good, the bad, the ugly...it all happens and it all should happen. We get to decide how we roll with it :)
As for me, I am not so sure if facing death was a catalyst. I rather seems like oh so many things have become so unimportant. Almost shockingly unimportant. kath
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