The reality of many people's holidays includes too much to do and not enough time. Too much to purchase and not enough money. Too much to eat and not enough willpower. On the other hand some people experience not enough family, fun, and friendship.
This is the first Christmas I won't spend with any of my family. Just me and the Bulldog. I won't bore you with the details of why. But needless to say, I'm not looking forward to Christmas. In fact, I want it to be over with fast! Last night I sat with my newly purchased 46'' HDTV and thought to myself..."Hey, this might not be so awful. I could really use a few days of downtime anyway." I decided I'll make the most of the situation by spending Christmas Day cuddled up on the couch with my puppy watching a marathon of holiday classics together. As I set the TV to record every holiday movie from "A Christmas Carol" to "Elf" I thought to myself what a loser I am! I promptly went to bed feeling even more depressed. Then just like Ebenezer Scrooge, something happened overnight and I woke up bursting with excitement!
As families change and grow, traditions change as well. Instead of trying to reproduce the exact old-fashioned holiday of your childhood, open your heart to new traditions and give the words "extended family" new meaning. That may mean inviting over other single friends who are unable to travel home for the holidays, or simply making new friends who have no family or home to travel to! What am I talking about? Read on.
When I was a kid, I loved when Grandma came to visit because she always brought me a present! And when Christmas hit, the presents from Grandma doubled! Not only did I look forward to those presents, I came to expect those presents. Sometimes I think I liked receiving the presents more than I liked receiving the warm Grandma hugs that came attached to them. I've since grown up and realized that the holidays aren't are about presents, it's about presence. Her being present in my life at age 92 is a gift in itself. Sure I fondly remember the Tony Hawk skateboard she gave me, but I never cherished it like the time I spent on her lap listening to Grandma's stories. That's the thing. People don't always remember what you gave them, but they always remember how you made them feel. (Spoiler Alert: That usually doesn't cost a penny.)
A few years back my parents fell on very hard times. So as a family we all agreed not to exchange birthday or Christmas presents anymore. Having a bit of that greedy child still in me, my initial thought was "this is going to suck!" While I understood it, I didn't like it. And I felt frustrated because gifts are one of the ways I show my love to the people I care about. So it's very difficult for me to be asked NOT to do that.
I thought of buying myself another lavish gift to perk up my mood and get me into the spirit of Christmas. But it didn't feel right. Then when I woke up today, it hit me. Instead of spending Christmas Day alone in front of my TV, I should spend it volunteering in a packed soup kitchen! Even the idea of it makes me happy!
One of the best antidotes to self-pity and seasonal sadness is helping someone in need. Find someone who is struggling more than you are and lending a much needed hand. I've never helped in a soup kitchen before. But I'm really looking forward to hearing their stories, spreading some laughter, and relating to a stranger on a deeper level of self. They will become my "extended family" if even just for a day. It should be quite a memorable Christmas.
Half of me is doing this for selfless reasons - to give the gift of presence because everyone deserves to know they matter in life. And the other half of me is doing it for selfish reasons - to make myself feel better. Is that so wrong if in the end everyone wins?
Not ready to pick up the soup kitchen ladle and need some holiday blues relief? When all else fails drop into a church, mosque, synagogue, temple, or...you get the idea. You don't have to worship there. You don't even have to believe in God. Most places of worship welcome all people, even those just looking for a touch of grace in the midst of a stressful day. And sometimes just sitting in sacred space can remind you of the true meaning of the holidays.
Share your holiday tradition or story in the Comments section. And if you've ever worked in a soup kitchen, let me know what I should expect!
11 comments:
I'm really looking forward to hearing their stories, spreading some laughter, and relating to a stranger on a deeper level of self. They will become my "extended family" if even just for a day. In my opinion, this is what the holiday season is about: helping people in and spreading joy to those you think are in need of it.
For my family (immediate, extended, and makeshift), the dinner and gifts are all time filler before we play games and celebrate spending time with each other. Even when my maternal grandmother was still with us, the gifts, which were never much, filled time until we could pull out the board games or card games. We'd spend hours playing cards or board games after eating and opening gifts. And we would usually have additional people joining us so they had someplace to go and weren't alone.
To me, spending time with people is the most important part of the season. I've hosted my own dinners pulling together friends and students who were not able to go home for some reason or another.
I just don't want people to think I'm some super swell guy (or that I'm TRYING to look like some super swell guy) by doing this.
Because half of me is doing it for selfish reasons. Because it makes me feel good. And it's fulfilling a need of my own. Is that awful?
Although I think no act of giving is ever completely selfless.
See The Selflish Giver post on more of what I mean.
What you are doing is an honourable thing, adding the comment makes it seem less so. Although people may begin volunteering with the belief that they are giving to the world in some way, they stick around because they get something back for it.
I work at a drop in for homeless youth, every day I wish that the average people that pass the building could spend just a minute with them. Their energy, continued zest for life (even in the face of dire situations), resiliency, and creativity have so enriched my own life.
I hope you get the chance to not only give, but to receive. Because we all have something to teach and learn from the world.
I said this to a co-worker this morning, so I will say it to you too - Christmas is what you make of it. Even thought I don't believe in Santa, I still believe in the magic of the season - hopefully you can find yours.
Merry Christmas, David. You deserve something beautiful.
Thank you.
I think everyone deserves something beautiful, no matter where they fall in society's hierarchy.
Merry Christmas to you too!
Of course that's not awful. You should feel good helping others. That is your reward for volunteering. As you pointed out, you look forward to spreading laughter and hearing their stories. You have provided evidence of sincerity in what you plan to do. If it were for ulterior motives, as you suggest in The Selfish Giver, you would be doing it out of guilt or to pay a penance for something bad you have done. Or, you would be searching for community service recognition to use to get you ahead in future plans. You have not indicated that this is the case currently. I'm sorry to say, even though you think you are being selfish, you really aren't.
And of course, I hope you have a Merry Christmas!
I love this! I've always wanted to volunteer on a holiday but get so wrapped up in the "traditions" can never seem to break them. You go!
Sorry to hear that you won't be with your family this year for Christmas. I sometimes think people put too much emphasis on "one day" - afterall it is just another day. And it is what you make of it.
I won't be with family this year by choice - I just can't deal with the drama, bullying, fights, etc. It was never a good time and I am sure I have plenty of scars from it.
I just choose to be grateful for everything I have in my life.
I wish you a very happy holiday!!
David -
Great article, I hope the soup kitchen ends up being a nice Christmas for you, and I'm sure DVR will have all of your Xmas movies ready for the rest of the night as well. I always thought about doing something like a soup kitchen as well during the holidays, or anytime. Or even a nursing home, never knowing who may be missing their loved ones at the special times of years that can hurt the most. Hearing their stories as you mentioned, can be so powerful. Definitely my favorite part of meeting strangers (mostly the elderly), hearing their stories. For a moment you can just be entranced and no longer think about your life in any way - good or bad.
I also liked the beginning when you mentioned taking in new traditions. I just wrote an article about new Christmas traditions since this will be my first Christmas morning not waking up at home - but this is all just a part of growing up. A new step of the journey to find new traditions and welcome in new family.
I hope you and your family have an amazing Christmas!
P.S. Do you and your family members Skype?! Could be really fun for you guys!
I think what you did was brilliant it was just last year I was one of those people with no home. Relocating only to get laid off sucks. It was because of volunteers like you that made last year not suck so much. This year I'm on my feet and able to return the favour.
Jordan, that's awesome you were able to turn so much of your life around in a single year! What's even better is that now when you're able to return the favor, you're doing so.
Very admirable!
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