tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56738752024-03-07T05:00:26.264-05:00The Rest Is Still UnwrittenDavid Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.comBlogger1096125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-17355155978151871442012-12-18T11:18:00.000-05:002013-03-11T10:35:01.045-04:00Nothing Matters More Than Our Stories<br />
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<i><b>In times of national crisis we often think, "My stories don’t matter – this isn’t about me" or "I'll stay quiet because I'm somewhere in the middle of the obnoxious people raging on TV." The truth is that in the midst of tragedy nothing matters more than our stories. Our complex, nuanced stories are the path to healing and change. They are the truth and there's no better foundation for change than the truth. I'd love to hear your thoughts and stories. - <a href="http://www.ordinarycourage.com/my-blog/2012/12/17/our-stories-matter-because-we-matter-thoughts-on-the-power-o.html">Brene Brown</a></b></i></blockquote>
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This isn't working.<br />
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This.<br />
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What we are doing as a society, a country, as human beings. It is NOT working!<br />
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And when things aren't working, shouldn't we change things?<br />
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When people talk about school shootings they talk about guns. But I don't want to debate gun control. I'm not pro-gun anymore than I'm anti-gun. I've never owned a gun and thank God my parents never have either. Because if they had I wouldn't be here today writing this post.<br />
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<i><b>"He was fearless in his pursuit of happiness and life.</b></i></div>
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<i><b>He earned his ripped jeans and missing two front teeth."</b></i></div>
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<i><b>Daniel Barden (age 7)</b></i></div>
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<a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2009/10/my-deepest-darkest-secret.html">I attempted suicide at age 12</a> - with a steak knife of all things. But I searched the house first for a gun. If I had found one, you better believe I would have sucked on that barrel and squeezed without giving it a second thought. After all, even at age 12 I knew it was the best tool for the job.<br />
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<b>While I had no intention of hurting anyone else, I had every intention of hurting myself.</b> And I did. Without a rational thought. That's what happens when you are in the midst of making a deadly, permanent decision. All fear, sadness, and anger disappears. You become oddly calm. And thoroughly numb. Or at least I did.<br />
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<b>If we're going to talk about gun control, it's just as important we talk about mental illness.</b><br />
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While I don't see any logical reason why a person needs to own an assault rifle and feel they should be banned, I'm not about to rip a standard rifle out of a hunter's hands (punishing him) simply because other people can't act responsibly. But let's face the facts. There have been over 70 school shootings since 1994. 70! <b>Obviously there's a lot of sick kids out there. I should know because I was one of them.</b> And what we are doing now as a society, a country, as human beings…it is NOT working!<br />
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According to <a href="http://www.nami.org/">NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)</a>, mental illness typically strikes young people in their most productive years, 16-25. Families from all walks of life are affected regardless of age, race, income, religion, or education. <b>Most shocking, 1 in 4 American families has a relative who has a mental illness. 1 in 4!</b><br />
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So what was my deal? Not much. I was just a deeply depressed kid who didn't know how to open up. I don't think that fits the crazy label. But depression is considered a mental illness. And medically speaking, one could have labeled me mentally ill. And that's the problem. Because mental illness has such an <a href="http://www.lifelessbullshit.com/how-to-break-the-mental-health-taboo">ugly stigma</a> attached to it, I was terrified to get help. I was terrified to tell anyone how I felt. I was terrified of being seen as C-R-A-Z-Y!<br />
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<b>It's easier to get an assault rifle than adequate mental health care. And for shooter Adam Lanza it was easier to slaughter 20 kindergartners and 1st graders than to say "hey, I need some help." Like most, I'm still processing the horror that took place at Sandy Hook. I'm heartbroken for 26 families of victims I've never met and for a community I've never visited. And of course, I'm furious at the killer!</b><br />
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Now I'm going to ask you to do something you'll hate me for. I want you to send light and love not just to the 26 victims and their families, but to the killer and his family too. To the entire Sandy Hook community. To every community that has suffered a mass shooting. To every victim. To every victim's family. And yes, even to every killer and their family.<br />
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Praying for a murderer is hard. Honestly, it's damn near impossible! But in doing so, I realize I'm also <a href="http://anarchistsoccermom.blogspot.com/2012/12/thinking-unthinkable.html">praying for the mentally ill</a>. Praying for every kid like me who was/is terrified of being seen as crazy and didn't/doesn't have the strength to ask for help. Helping them (and myself) today when I failed to help them (and myself) back then. Making right MY wrongs. Making right OUR wrongs. Healing together.<br />
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If that is asking too much, and I know it is, then <b>please consider doing one random act of kindness in memory of one of the 20 children lost. That way you can put back in the world the same light and love each of their short lives brought into it. I'm choosing Daniel.</b><br />
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Because as we all continue to process Sandy Hook, one question in particular weighs on my mind…<br />
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<b>What if we tackled mental illness the same way little Daniel tackled things? Fearless in the pursuit of happiness and life.</b><br />
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As Brene Brown said above, I too would love to hear your thoughts and stories.David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-70920257081818157732012-11-02T16:10:00.001-04:002012-11-02T17:53:42.830-04:00How To Give A DamnThis isn't a post retelling the story of how <a href="http://youtu.be/yliFvv4i4sc">Hurricane Sandy</a> rocked the east coast.<br />
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This isn't a post whining about how I've been without power for nearly a week or ranting how the <a href="http://www.ingnycmarathon.org/">NYC Marathon</a> should be postponed.<br />
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This isn't a post asking people to <a href="http://www.redcross.org/">donate to the relief efforts</a>, nor is it a post where I pat myself on the back for helping others who were hit harder.<br />
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This isn't a post preaching some overly sappy and completely cliche words of wisdom that have been spewed by billions before me.<br />
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This isn't a post about any of those things.<br />
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It's a post about how to give a damn in life everyday, not just in an occasional crisis situation.<br />
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In a crisis situation you may want to help but can't due to physical location, physical limitations, limited finances, or simply because you were told no. During 9/11 the entire country wanted to help! However many were <a href="http://workingforwonka.com/ground-zero-business-lesson">told no at Ground Zero</a> for various reasons, mostly security reasons. In some flood areas the same is true. People eager to lend a hand are being told no because the water is too contaminated or the area is too dangerous to venture into. While understandable, it's also frustrating.<br />
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For many, their hearts are in the right place. For others, not so much.<br />
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Staten Island residents are so pissed off at the Red Cross right now. It's not just because their homes are destroyed and they're living in deplorable conditions. It's because they feel no one gives a damn about them. That they've been forgotten or intentionally ignored.<br />
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Obviously no one wants to be forgotten or intentionally ignored on their birthday or on Christmas. Just like no one wants to be forgotten or intentionally ignored in a time of crisis. But what many may not realize is that no one wants to ONLY hear from someone on birthdays, special occasions, and when you're knee deep in shit - literally.<br />
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Pick up the phone. Send a text or an email. Say something. It doesn't have to be some incredibly gracious offer or beautifully spoken sentiment. Some plain, old, everyday language will do. Just a…<br />
<br />
<i>"Hi"</i><br />
<i>"How've you been?"</i><br />
<i>"Just thinking about you..."</i><br />
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They're your friend, right? Talk to them like one. Treat them like one. Not just in times of celebration or trouble. In everyday life. <b>Because not saying anything translates to <i>"I don't care about you."</i></b><br />
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<b>Sometimes all people really need is to know someone (AKA, you) actually gives a damn about them. That's it. And that's all. Honest.</b><br />
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PS (I realize not writing here as much as I once did translates to <i>"I don't give a damn about my readers."</i> I just wanted to say I do give a damn and I'll be showing that in a project I'm working on for the new site. All coming soon. I promise.)David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-52819752268738250732012-08-21T00:11:00.000-04:002012-08-21T01:49:30.383-04:00The Naughty F-Word (Forgiveness)<blockquote>
<i><b>"People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou</b></i></blockquote>
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Sometimes we hurt people we care about and sometimes we allow others to hurt us. It's ok though.<br />
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To be human is to be flawed. And to live is to make mistakes.<br />
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To grow one must not only accept, but embrace flaws - in themselves and in others. And to forgive one must not only learn from, but embrace mistakes - from themselves and from others.<br />
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I have many flaws and I've made many mistakes. I have these flaws and I've made these mistakes because I am human. And <a href="http://speaksoftlyandcarryaredpen.wordpress.com/2011/05/06/fcking-perfect-david-stehle">I am far from fucking perfect.</a><br />
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It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes. It is inevitable. Recognize your mistakes. Own them. Then forgive yourself and say..."If I'd known better, I'd have done better." That's all.<br />
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<b>When you mess up, apologize. Apologize to the other person and then to yourself. So many people skip that second part.</b><br />
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<b>Without forgiving others we can't see what they are capable of being. And more importantly, without forgiving ourselves we can't see what we are capable of being.</b> Holding onto anger and resentment and hurt and all those other ugly emotions is like walking through life blindfolded. It keeps us from seeing all the wonderful things in others and in ourselves - robbing us of love, happiness and a life full of both!<br />
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Like <a href="http://mayaangelou.com/">Maya Angelou</a>, I too haven't always liked myself. Anything anyone has ever said bad about me isn't anything I haven't already said to myself. I don't know if that type of self-awareness is necessarily a good thing, I just know it's a truthful thing. I'm not kind to myself. I never have been. I do my best to be kind to other people though. But sometimes I fail. Miserably.<br />
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I used to be great at apologizing, but terrible at forgiving! Forgiveness was my naughty F-word and my inability to give it was one of my biggest flaws. I held on to stupid, little grudges that seemed so petty once I stepped back and really thought about it. Over the years I've learned something though.<br />
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<b>By more consciously practicing love and forgiveness, three things happen...</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>1. It gets easier.</b><br />
<b>2. It makes you feel better</b><br />
<b>3. It's contagious.</b><br />
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I'm happy to report that I've become better at forgiving others. However, I still struggle with forgiving myself. Forgiving oneself is often more important than forgiving others. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self.<br />
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<b>Forgiveness isn't for other people. It's a gift you give yourself. And it's never easy.</b> So if you don't think you can forgive someone or someone refuses to forgive you, then do yourself a favor and at least forgive yourself. Because no matter what you said or did and whether someone else believes it or not, you're worthy of forgiveness...if only from yourself.<br />
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We can not always hide our flaws. We can not always patch our mistakes. And we certainly can't change the past, but we can change our attitude toward it. We can always learn. We can always grow. And we can always practice love and forgiveness.<br />
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When that all fails, there is always vodka. Kidding. Kinda.David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-79793469061348552532012-06-25T15:08:00.000-04:002012-06-25T15:08:18.610-04:00You Think Therefore I Am<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><b>"You and me it's kinda funny...I don't even know why I feel the need to care about what you think or want of me, but at the end of the day I do."</b></i></blockquote>
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A girl said that to me over the weekend and it got me thinking. No matter what all the rom-com movies, spiritual leaders, self-help books and beauty magazines preach we all still care an awful lot about what other people think of us.<br />
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We were brainwashed as kids. We discovered that feeling important and feeling accepted was a nice experience. So we learned to do everything possible to make other people like us. We didn’t want to be singled out by the crowd for being different because that didn't feel so good. When others feel badly about us, we feel bad. And that's a feeling we all want to avoid. So we seek their approval and acceptance - for right or wrong, good or bad.<br />
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<b>Now I know what you're thinking. There are some of you out there reading this with the <i>"I don't give an eff what people think of me"</i> attitude. To that I'm calling BULLSHIT!</b><br />
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To some degree we all care what our colleagues, friends, family, and society in general thinks about us. Every time I hear someone say they don't care what people think about them I take it with a grain of salt, or rather the entire salt shaker. Because the people flaunting their rebel ways are the very people who desperately tried to fit in as kids and never could. Whether they realize it or not, they're holding onto that grudge against the world even as adults! And they too seek out a certain degree of acceptance and approval even if it's only from other misfit kids and rebellious adults.<br />
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Approval from others gives us a higher sense of self-esteem. We’re convinced that their recognition matters to our self-worth and how deeply we value ourselves. Of course needing validating from others is detrimental to the quality of your life. (I should know this because I've been trying to prove myself to my Father my entire life!)<br />
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<b>Of course you can't control what others think. You can only control what you think. It's your opinion of yourself that matters most.</b> It's like <a href="http://tut.com/">Mike Dooley</a>'s says...<i>"Thoughts become things, choose the good ones."</i> Its such a simple solution to fixing a lifetime's worth of complex insecurities. Because once you master your mind and you're kinder to yourself, you'll think more highly of yourself. And all those good thoughts will eventually turn from being the things you hoped others would see you as, to the things you actually are.<br />
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In closing I want you to do something for me, or rather for yourself. <b>I want you make a conscious decision to stop caring what other people think. It sounds easier than it really is.</b> So start small with just one day - today. Put on some jeans and don't ask if they make your butt look fat. Do some work and don't seek out anyone's second opinion on it. And comment on this post with one thing that makes you feel insecure without caring who knows.David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-62748895119588760872012-04-23T15:47:00.000-04:002012-04-23T15:47:48.941-04:00Ask And You Shall Receive. Or Ask Again, Louder.<b>Figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it.</b><br />
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A simple concept, but one that many people struggle with. From love to business to everything in-between, figuring out what you want and learning how to ask for it in life is vital to getting what you want. And of course your happiness!<br />
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<b>Most people don't ask for what they want in life because they fear hearing no or feel like they aren't even worthy enough to ask, let alone receive.</b><br />
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People are so fucking scared to say how they truly feel! Because doing that would require courage and the only way you can muster up courage is allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to speak from the heart. The real irony is that while opening yourself up to vulnerability may initially make you feel weak, it actually later results in you feeling strong - courageous. Because it takes a lot of strength and courage to stand up and say how you feel, to ask for what you want.<br />
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<i>"I'd rather say nothing than admit you hurt my feelings."</i><br />
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That is probably the stupidest thing I have ever heard out of a smart girl's mouth.<br />
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Like most men, I'm not a mind reader. I can't always tell what a woman is thinking, or feeling, or what it is that she wants. You have to say what you mean. Sometimes you have to be blunt...in all relationships, from love to business.<br />
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So guys, it's time to take off your skirt. And ladies, it's time to put on your big boy pants. It's time men and women everywhere start figuring out what they want and start asking for it. Because life is too short for the woulda, coulda, shoulda said mentality. In fact, your happiness depends on it.<br />
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What is it that you want? Ask for it! Shout it out in the Comments, ALL CAPS STYLE!David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-80966004582242924742012-03-21T11:51:00.001-04:002012-03-21T12:03:56.426-04:00An Unexpected End To An Untold Story<blockquote><i>"It has been said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world." - Chaos Theory</i></blockquote><br />
All of these years, from the first time I was able to write my name, she has held on to every letter and every card I ever sent her. She says she sometimes re-reads them as if they were stories. They're stacked in a shoebox along with a small collection of other sentimental keepsakes, like the rosary beads Pope John Paul II blessed and handed her inside the Vatican. She enjoys re-telling that story.<br />
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With nearly 100 years of living under my Grandmother's belt, I was pleasantly surprised at how little there was to pack up. I was helping her move from a two story condo to a one floor apartment when I came across an old kerosene lantern sitting on the kitchen countertop. It was partially hidden in the corner behind a slew of appliances.<br />
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I had never noticed it before, never noticed the old brass colored kerosene in it or the thin hairline glass crack on it. I asked her if she wanted me to throw it away. She said she couldn't bare to and proceeded to tell me the story.<br />
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<b>One day a friend of hers had stopped by and gave it to her out of the blue. And that night, another friend called her to say he had killed himself just hours after.</b><br />
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I have my theories as to why he chose a lantern as a departing gift. But I didn't ask how he killed himself, why he killed himself, or what his last words to her were. I don't know what his name was, how long they had been friends, or how close she was to him. All I know is that he was her friend and this was the first time I had ever heard this story.<br />
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It made me wonder how many stories of hers I had yet to hear. How many <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2007/04/im-beautiful-and-ugly-and-misunderstood.html">stories of mine</a> I had yet to tell. And how many stories people in general never share.<br />
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<b>Humanity's greatest desire is to belong and to connect. And storytelling is how we connect to others. We all crave connection. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. Without it, well...I think we die and rot inside.</b><br />
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Perhaps if her friend had shared his story, he would have felt connection. And perhaps if he felt connection, he would have never given his lantern away.<br />
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Do you lack connection? Is there a story you need to tell? I'm listening.David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-73177251305945748742012-02-29T14:12:00.000-05:002012-02-29T14:12:28.950-05:00Listen To The Whisper, Or Get Hit With The Brick<blockquote><i><b>I say the Universe speaks to us, always, first in whispers.<br />
And a whisper in your life usually feels like…<br />
<br />
"Hmm, that's odd."<br />
Or, "hmm, that doesn't make any sense."<br />
Or, "hmm, is that right?"<br />
<br />
It's that subtle. And if you don't pay attention to the whisper, it gets louder and louder and louder.<br />
<br />
I say it's like getting thumped upside the head.<br />
If you don't pay attention to that, it's like getting a brick upside your head.<br />
You don't pay attention to that, the brick wall falls down.<br />
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That is the pattern that I see in my life and so many other people's lives.<br />
<br />
- Oprah</b></i></blockquote><br />
(Soak that in because that is the first and last time you'll see me quoting Oprah!)<br />
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The whispers had been there. And even though they kept getting louder, I kept ignoring them. I thought the whispers would eventually float away. That it will get better or I'd just grow out of it. I believed in mind over matter, positive thinking, and mustering through. But because I didn't listen to the whispers, last Tuesday at 4:30am I woke to getting hit with the brick! <b>For the first time in my life, the Universe finally has my full attention.</b><br />
<br />
Getting hit with a brick is a figure of speech. But when I say the brick has left me feeling dizzy, I mean that literally. I had barely opened my eyes Tuesday morning when the room began spinning uncontrollably. I sat up thinking it would clear my head. Instead I began to sweat profusely and nausea overcame me. I got out of bed to make my way to the bathroom, but just 2 steps in I stumbled into my dresser. Another 2 steps and I stumbled into the foot of my bed. A few more steps and I was stumbling into the doorway and clinging to the walls. I made the rest of the journey partially on my hands and knees. I wasn't drunk and I hadn't taken anything. So something was definitely wrong.<br />
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People don't just go to bed one night perfectly fine and wake up the next unable to see straight or even walk! The only way to describe it is like I'm completely intoxicated without having even a drip of alcohol in me. Long story short, it seems my brains are a bit scrambled. But you'll have that when you grew up boxing, graduated to MMA, and most likely never fully recovered from a traumatic brain injury during a motorcycle accident years ago.<br />
<br />
I'm not going to bore you with details of doctor visits, brain scan results, and referrals to physical therapy specialists. I'm not going to get into those details because I'm not writing this post to air out my personal life or for sympathy. <b>I'm writing this post because I want the mistakes of my life to be used as an example for living your life - better. Listen to the whispers. Take action upon hearing them. May you avoid the bricks.</b><br />
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While some would say I'm making light of a serious situation, I'm looking at this as no more than a small "inconvenience" in my life. Yes, it's physically challenging. And yes, it makes me emotionally uncomfortable. But I got this. I'm going to continue to kick ass one goal at a time. It will NOT keep me from doing all the things I love, including my <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2011/11/kicking-ass-one-goal-at-time.html">2012 BASE jump</a>.<br />
<br />
So I'm not a perfect egg. I have bumps and bruises and I'm a little tatted and tattered up. I can attest to the fact that chicks dig scars. But internal scars, I'm not so sure about. My fingers are crossed that at least one does.<br />
<br />
And so I ask you...<br />
<br />
<b>What are the whispers? What's whispering to you now?</b>David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-40912491896388735222012-02-14T09:21:00.016-05:002012-02-14T09:21:00.717-05:00Vulnerability Is The New Black<b>I believe vulnerability is the new black. You should try it on. Give it a spin. See how it feels.</b><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.adele.tv">Adele</a> recently cleaned house at the <a href="http://www.grammy.com">2012 Grammy Awards</a> where she was nominated six times and took home all six awards, including Album Of The Year.<br />
<br />
No one would argue that vocally she is incredibly talented! You can hear the pain in her voice and feel that same pain in your bones when she sings. However, I don't think it's solely her voice that has catapulted her to the top of the music charts. No, I think it's something else. That something else can be summed up in just one word...<br />
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Vulnerability.<br />
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She writes her lyrics from a place that is incredibly raw. Sometimes ugly, painful and bitter. Other times beautiful, loving and kind. But always freeing.<br />
<br />
She allows herself to be seen naked on a stage. Heart ripped open. Digging deep into old wounds and twirling tiny purple scars like tangled spaghetti. She exposes fear and embraces vulnerability. It's a brave and powerful display. It's a place few of us dare to venture.<br />
<br />
<b>Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a direct result of being confident and comfortable in your own skin.</b> Show me a person who is terrified of feeling vulnerable and I'll show you a person whose skin masks layers of insecurity. It's ok to not feel ok with vulnerability. But you must learn to lean into it. To get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. To say...<i>"Hey, at the core this is who I am. I hope you can love me despite my fears, my flaws and my fuck-ups."</i> Because we all have them. I have them. You have them. Adele has them.<br />
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<blockquote><i>"I can imagine being about 40 and looking for him again, only to turn up and find that he's settled with a beautiful wife and beautiful kids and he's completely happy... and I'm still on my own. The song's about that and I'm scared at the thought of that." - Adele on writing the lyrics to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qemWRToNYJY">Someone Like You</a></i></blockquote><br />
If vulnerability had an anthem, that song would be it.<br />
<br />
I once fell heavily in-like with the perfect girl. But it wasn't until she got comfortable enough to start peeling back all those perfect layers to show me that she comes with a side of hot mess that <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2010/08/allow-yourself-to-be-unbalanced-by-love.html">I fell in love</a>. Love is weird like that. Or maybe I'm just weird like that. I love a beautiful mess. <b>So don't be afraid to be a hot mess. In that messy moment, someone could be falling in love with you.</b> (And just between you and me, having a side of hot mess is an admirable and desirable quality to possess.)<br />
<br />
Every time I see Adele perform she's wearing a black dress. I like to believe she wears it because she agrees with me that vulnerability is the new black. So she slips into something black and slinky, understanding that vulnerability is sexy.<br />
<br />
Now you go be sexy. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.<br />
<br />
That's all I have for now.<br />
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<b>Happy Valentine's Day. Celebrate by wearing black.</b>David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-83956459150239152442012-01-25T12:18:00.001-05:002012-01-25T12:21:15.022-05:00Born A Mistake<b>My Mother once told me I was a "mistake."</b><br />
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In that moment you can imagine how I felt.<br />
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I assumed she was defining the word "mistake" as me being unwanted. However, what she really meant by "mistake" is that I was unplanned, but a welcomed surprise. There is a HUGE difference!<br />
<br />
Perhaps her poor choice of words are to blame, or perhaps me jumping to conclusions and assuming the worse was my fault. In the end it doesn't matter. <b>What matters is that I was conceived out of love and was loved from birth. I hope everyone in this world is as lucky.</b><br />
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As a man, I'm in no position to speak even remotely intelligent on the issue of pro-choice vs pro-life. And in all honesty, I don't think any man is. Because a man will never know what it's like to carry a child. They will never be able to experience all that it entails - both physically and emotionally. You can strap those fake "mummy tummy" vests on us and attempt to describe the indescribable bond (or sheer terror) you feel to a baby growing inside of you. But the truth is men just don't get it. And those that pretend they get it are full of shit. I'll never know how it truly feels. No man will!<br />
<br />
<b>I will never write about things I do not know. I will never write about experiences I've never had or feelings I've never felt. All I can write about is what I know to be true, that which I feel in my heart.</b> I don't know what it's like for a woman to have a baby, to go through with an abortion, or to struggle between the two choices. I do however know what it feels like to hear the words "you were a mistake." And it makes me wonder if anyone else out there has ever heard those words or felt that way too?<br />
<br />
But most of all, I wonder what it would be like if some male politicians get their way in forcing women who have been raped to carry out their pregnancies. <b>I think of that child growing up knowing they were brought into this world unwanted and as a by-product of violence. Everyone should grow up knowing they were wanted, or a welcomed surprise, or at the very least conceived out of love.</b><br />
<br />
My sister and her husband struggled for 2 years to have a baby. When she finally became pregnant we were all ecstatic! Then late in the pregnancy she had a miscarriage. It was devastating. The loss took such an emotional toll on her and the risk was so high that she didn't think she could go through the process again. So they looked into adoption. But just as the adoption papers were about to start, she learned she was pregnant again. This time around she gave birth to a healthy baby girl.<br />
<br />
Every time I see my niece I make a point to tell her she looks pretty ("bella Mia"). Because every little girl deserves to hear they're pretty. And because she simply is.<br />
<br />
<b>They named her Mia, one of my all-time favorite names. In Italian it means "mine." Because she was/is more than wanted. I hope everyone in this world is as lucky.</b>David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-60699605954606009312011-12-29T15:39:00.002-05:002011-12-29T15:52:07.681-05:00Man In The MirrorThe yearly tradition of reflecting on the year that has passed and writing down your resolutions for the year to come is in full swing. With 2012 just days away, I've been seeing countless blogs rehashing their "Best of 2011" posts or their "2012 Is Going To Be My Year" posts. I'm not going to do either. You can breathe a sigh of relief.<br />
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I'm also not going to waste space on a "7 Years Of Blogging" post - a personal milestone I will hit on January 1, 2012. While I'm sure I would appreciate the virtual high fives and congratulatory comments that would follow, writing such a post would be self-indulgent on my part and I don't want to be a victim of a selfish kind of love. You can breathe a second sigh of relief. Instead I'm going to do something different.<br />
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<b>2012 is the year of you! That man (or woman) in the mirror.</b><br />
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<center><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/PivWY9wn5ps?rel=0" width="480"></iframe></center><br />
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<b>Every New Year people talk about resolutions, changes, promises, goals and dreams. Then two weeks in, people forget those resolutions. They fail to make those changes, keep those promises, finish those goals and follow those dreams. Why? Well they give lots of excuses. And those excuses always include <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2011/10/understanding-blame.html">blame</a>, usually blaming everyone and everything but themselves!</b><br />
<br />
Look at our economy. <a href="http://occupywallst.org">Occupy Protestors</a> want to blame rich bankers and refer to themselves as the 99%. While statistically I fall into that 99%, it seems like I'm in the rare 1% who blames greed on both sides as a whole. Democrats blame Republicans. Republicans blame Democrats. And every U.S. citizen blames the entire U.S. Government. But no one wants to say <i>"hey, I'm part of the problem as well."</i><br />
<br />
Just today on the news I heard a study claiming Mothers are to blame for their children's adult obesity! They say people are fat because their Mom failed to give them the proper amount of hugs in childhood. That they lacked the love and support they needed earlier in life in order to deal with stress they would face later in life. Really? No one thinks being fat has to do with poor eating habits and a lazy lifestyle? Hey, I missed a couple hugs growing up but I'm no fatty. And in no way have I, or will I ever, blame Mom for any adult problem I face.<br />
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<b>While it's true that the choices others make affect each of our lives to a certain degree, in no way do they decide your life as a whole. No one has that level of control over you. No one! Well, except yourself. You control you. And you are fully responsible for you, for your life, for your choices. Period.</b><br />
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We live in a finger pointing, shame blaming world. People hate taking responsibility when they mess up and fail. But they love taking full responsibility when they succeed! It's a selfish kind of love. It's why I roll my eyes when I read a blog post about someone who goes on and on about how much ass they are kicking in life, but they never share how much they've had their ass kicked by life. It's just not a pretty portrait to paint, therefore they don't paint it. Not only is it not a realistic portrait of who they truly are, it's not beautiful. <b>There is beauty in struggle. And there's even more beauty in having the courage to share one's personal struggle.</b><br />
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I view my life and every aspect of myself as a constant work in progress. I want to be a better man. That's why every morning I look at my reflection in the mirror with one single goal - to be a better man today than I was yesterday. And tomorrow I will strive to be a better man than I am right now writing this.<br />
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We are told to think BIG! Dream BIG! "2012 is going to be my BIG year!" But sometimes BIG can feel overwhelming and paralyzing, especially when we don't know where to start. So I'm here to tell you to start small with the little things. Start with that man in the mirror. Stop making excuses. Stop pointing blame. Start taking responsibility. Start making a change.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq"><b>I'm starting with the man in the mirror<br />
I'm asking him to change his ways<br />
And no message could have been any clearer<br />
If you wanna make the world a better place<br />
Take a look at yourself and then make a change</b></blockquote>David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-90838115349854538272011-12-20T15:57:00.006-05:002011-12-20T22:03:24.598-05:00Give Presence, Not PresentsThe reality of many people's holidays includes too much to do and not enough time. Too much to purchase and not enough money. Too much to eat and not enough willpower. On the other hand some people experience not enough family, fun, and friendship.<br />
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<b>This is the first Christmas I won't spend with any of my family.</b> Just me and the Bulldog. I won't bore you with the details of why. But needless to say, I'm not looking forward to Christmas. In fact, I want it to be over with fast! Last night I sat with my newly purchased 46'' HDTV and thought to myself...<i>"Hey, this might not be so awful. I could really use a few days of downtime anyway."</i> I decided I'll make the most of the situation by spending Christmas Day cuddled up on the couch with my puppy watching a marathon of holiday classics together. As I set the TV to record every holiday movie from "A Christmas Carol" to "Elf" I thought to myself what a loser I am! I promptly went to bed feeling even more depressed. Then just like Ebenezer Scrooge, something happened overnight and I woke up bursting with excitement!<br />
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<b>As families change and grow, traditions change as well. Instead of trying to reproduce the exact old-fashioned holiday of your childhood, open your heart to new traditions and give the words "extended family" new meaning.</b> That may mean inviting over other single friends who are unable to travel home for the holidays, or simply making new friends who have no family or home to travel to! What am I talking about? Read on.<br />
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When I was a kid, I loved when Grandma came to visit because she always brought me a present! And when Christmas hit, the presents from Grandma doubled! Not only did I look forward to those presents, I came to expect those presents. Sometimes I think I liked receiving the presents more than I liked receiving the warm Grandma hugs that came attached to them. I've since grown up and realized that the holidays aren't are about presents, it's about presence. Her being present in my life at age 92 is a gift in itself. Sure I fondly remember the Tony Hawk skateboard she gave me, but I never cherished it like the time I spent on her lap listening to Grandma's stories. That's the thing. <b>People don't always remember what you gave them, but they always remember how you made them feel.</b> (Spoiler Alert: That usually doesn't cost a penny.)<br />
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A few years back my parents fell on very hard times. So as a family we all agreed not to exchange birthday or Christmas presents anymore. Having a bit of that greedy child still in me, my initial thought was "this is going to suck!" While I understood it, I didn't like it. And I felt frustrated because gifts are one of the ways I show my love to the people I care about. So it's very difficult for me to be asked NOT to do that.<br />
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I thought of buying myself another lavish gift to perk up my mood and get me into the spirit of Christmas. But it didn't feel right. Then when I woke up today, it hit me. <b>Instead of spending Christmas Day alone in front of my TV, I should spend it volunteering in a packed soup kitchen! Even the idea of it makes me happy!</b><br />
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One of the best antidotes to self-pity and seasonal sadness is <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2010/02/selfish-giver.html">helping someone in need</a>. Find someone who is struggling more than you are and lending a much needed hand. I've never helped in a soup kitchen before. But <b>I'm really looking forward to hearing their stories, spreading some laughter, and relating to a stranger on a deeper level of self. They will become my "extended family" if even just for a day. It should be quite a memorable Christmas.</b><br />
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Half of me is doing this for selfless reasons - to give the gift of presence because everyone deserves to know they matter in life. And the other half of me is doing it for selfish reasons - to make myself feel better. Is that so wrong if in the end everyone wins?<br />
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Not ready to pick up the soup kitchen ladle and need some holiday blues relief? When all else fails drop into a church, mosque, synagogue, temple, or...you get the idea. You don't have to worship there. <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2010/05/losing-your-religion.html">You don't even have to believe in God.</a> Most places of worship welcome all people, even those just looking for a touch of grace in the midst of a stressful day. And sometimes just sitting in sacred space can remind you of the true meaning of the holidays.<br />
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Share your holiday tradition or story in the Comments section. And if you've ever worked in a soup kitchen, let me know what I should expect!David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-31096373434986813262011-12-15T12:47:00.001-05:002012-11-27T14:12:06.877-05:00Will You Ever Marry?<b>Who needs a spouse? Not many of us.</b><br />
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According to the <a href="http://pewresearch.org/pubs/2147/marriage-newly-weds-record-low">PEW Research Center</a> only half of Americans are married. And half of those marriages end in divorce. <b>"I do" is fast becoming "I don't"...ever!</b> So the question is why?<br />
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Kim Kardashian was married for just 72 days making a mockery of the sacred vow. Certainly a sign of how our culture views marriage, or is it? We could point to so many examples of how little marriage means. Elizabeth Taylor married 8 times! Why bother?<br />
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Conservatives blame gay marriage, saying it's unconstitutional. The act was defined between a man and a woman. Others say the feminist movement killed "I do." <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2010/02/sexiest-breed-of-woman-miss-independent.html">Who needs a man </a> when a girl can make her own money and buy her own sperm? Still others blame men who say men never much liked marriage anyway. But maybe it's more simple than that. <b>Maybe in 2012 we just don't need to be married anymore.</b><br />
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The average marrying age is 27 for women and 29 for men, even older if you're college educated. Does that mean people who are educated are too smart to marry young or not at all? Maybe. Because I tend to think people who marry under 25 are out of their freaking mind! The majority of 20-somethings are more concerned with securing a job before securing a relationship. Really that's how it should be because most 20-somethings can't afford themselves, let alone anyone else.<br />
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<b>My parents have been married for 35+ years.</b> I've lost track of the exact number of years. Perhaps they have as well. I won't say they've been happily married because I firmly believe no marriage is always happy all the time. They've had their share of ups and downs - believe me. And they've fallen in and out of love - at least that is what I believe. When I was a child and they fought, I was terrified they would divorce! At night outside my bedroom door, I actually sat trembling on the staircase listening to them yell back and forth in an unrelenting storm. My Father's voice rumbled low like thunder. And my Mother's clashed with his like lightning.<br />
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I fantasized about all 4 feet of me standing up to all 6 feet of him. Standing up for my Mother. I would tell him how I didn't appreciate his tone or the manner in which he spoke to, and of, her. That we should sit down and calmly talk this over like gentleman. There may have even been a cap gun dual in this fantasy of mine. In my eyes, he was the bad guy and I always took my Mother's side. Of course the reality is I never said shit, even to this day. I've stayed out of my parents relationship just like both of my parents have always stayed out of my relationships. We have that mutual respect, that understanding.<br />
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The point is, I was the weird kid in school because I was one of the rare kids whose parents were still married. And because of this other kids thought I had it good.<b> But that's the thing about marriage. It isn't always good. It almost always looks better from the outside. With so many young adults who have grown up from volatile or broken homes, is it really any surprise why they <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2009/12/perfectly-lonely.html">aren't eager to tie the knot</a>?</b><br />
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People go into relationships with unrealistic expectations. A friend of mine once showed me a list of qualities she would like in a man. It was over a page long! Not only is that too picky, it's unrealistic. And she wonders why she can't find anyone. Your list should only contain 5 non-negotiables. Everything else you need to bend on. Don't want to bend? Then <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2010/08/how-to-be-alone.html">get used to being single</a>.<br />
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Marriage is about the ability to get outside of your own interests and put another person before yourself. In this selfish world we live in, few people are willing to do that. And when it comes to doing the work, people are just lazy. They don't want to work at love. The thinking of "why work at something I can obtain easily elsewhere?" So people divorce over troubles that could be worked through and move on.<br />
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<b>Maybe <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2009/10/manwhore-relapse.html">monogamy is an unrealistic standard</a> for the times in which we live. Is it possible that it's impossible to have just one partner?</b><br />
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So I ask you, do you ever see yourself getting married?David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-20164280989413367992011-11-28T13:26:00.009-05:002011-11-28T15:02:57.619-05:00One Of The Many Things I Never Talk AboutWe all have things we don't tell anyone about. Big things. Scary things. Confusing, embarrassing and shameful things. This is one of my things.<br />
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<b>I suffer from panic attacks.</b><br />
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They don't happen often. <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2007/12/panic-attacks.html">I had my first in 2007.</a> A second and a third one followed a few months later. Then I was fine for a couple years and recently they started up again. My last one occurred just last week. That might not seem like a lot, or maybe it is but I'm no doctor. Although for me it's enough. It's enough that I now know what they are and I know enough to know that it isn't normal. I haven't told a sole what I'm going through, not even my doctor. I know what you're thinking. You're probably wondering..."<i>if he knows he suffers from panic attacks and knows it is a problem, why the hell doesn't he seek help?"</i><br />
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And as a logical person your next question is probably...<i>"if he is scared or confused or embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it, how the hell can he blog about it - TO AN ENTIRE WORLD OF STRANGERS!"</i><br />
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I don't really have a good answer to that. I will say this though. <b>It's often easier for me to write how I feel than to verbalize it. I think the reason why is because this computer screen is a silent court. It doesn't judge. It doesn't have a mouth that drops open in shock. It doesn't have eyes that widen or roll. It doesn't sigh heavily with disgust or frustration. And it doesn't have a face filled with sorrow or disappointment. It's emotionless. It's numb to what I have to say and that makes it easier for me to say things - ugly, unpleasant things like "I suffer from panic attacks."</b><br />
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There's that word again - suffer. I hate that word! People use it so others can feel sorry for them. To say, I suffer from this or that. The truth is most people don't have to suffer at all. In a way, I choose to suffer by not seeking the help I know I need. To play the helpless victim is inexcusable. Writing this post instead of talking to my doctor is inexcusable. People who <strike>suffer from</strike> have panic attacks want to blame external factors - their stressful job, their fucked up childhood, etc. I refused to do that. Instead I blame me for not taking control of the problem when it first surfaced in 2007.<br />
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Like anything we are scared to talk about, I have a lot of frightening "what if" scenarios haunting me. What if I have an attack in front of all my employees at work? I'm supposed to be cool, calm, and collected. A boss is to be in charge and have everything under control at all times. What if I fail to be that guy? What if I train for an entire year to <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2011/11/kicking-ass-one-goal-at-time.html">BASE jump</a> and when <a href="http://www.officialbridgeday.com">Bridge Day</a> finally arrives I lose it in front of 200,000 people? What if I'm lying in bed with a beautiful girl sleeping quietly beside me and she awakes to find me in the middle of a panic attack (oddly enough they usually occur in the wee hours of the morning, waking me in my sleep). That's sooo unsexy and she will think I'm a total nutcase! I don't want her to witness any of that! These are just a few of my fears. And these fears only increase my anxiety and the likelihood that I will trigger the very thing I fear most - having another panic attack.<br />
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I try not to think about it though. I try not to bring the attacks upon myself. I try to relax and worry less. But just like any other problem you sweep under the rug, it eventually resurfaces later in life. It's nature's way of forcing you to deal with the mess you once pushed away and tried to hide from the world, as well as from yourself. Life is a bitch like that. And life is also beautiful like that. It forces you to feel things you need to feel and deal with things you need to deal with. <b>It's through that difficulty that we grow and through that pain that we heal. I am being taught that - the hard way.</b><br />
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So I leave you with this question to ask yourself. <b>Where is there lingering pain in your life that you have swept under the rug? And how do you plan on cleaning it up?</b> Because trust me when I say, you don't want to learn the hard way.David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-32112941872563291242011-11-16T13:42:00.005-05:002011-11-17T14:37:12.078-05:00Tell Me How Bad I SuckWith a title like that, some might call me a masochist. But I'm not. What I am is someone who is aware when he's sucking and doesn't want to suck anymore. I'm referring to my writing.<br />
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<b>This has nothing to do with low self-esteem, a lack of confidence, or an insecure need for validation from others. This has to do with improvement. Being the best I can be. Giving you the best of me. And knowing when I need to swallow my stupid pride and ask for help in order to make all of that happen.</b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjApsZ6-iddQSaHx2kRQY0cxia_0N5wa-ay8DZd0Q9-vSdM7haReuoNwg1Yb58Yn7ZTet3ujO5qKIZ5DiylrmDFrrykZkbpDADc4flnnfgxg0o2zTOTqh5oYQJ4KoswjeLgtOxX/s1600/brokenpencil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="300" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjApsZ6-iddQSaHx2kRQY0cxia_0N5wa-ay8DZd0Q9-vSdM7haReuoNwg1Yb58Yn7ZTet3ujO5qKIZ5DiylrmDFrrykZkbpDADc4flnnfgxg0o2zTOTqh5oYQJ4KoswjeLgtOxX/s400/brokenpencil.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Don't worry. We've already established that <a href="http://speaksoftlyandcarryaredpen.wordpress.com/2011/05/06/fcking-perfect-david-stehle">I'm my own worst critic</a>. So this won't be another one of those whiny "<a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2010/07/when-you-hate-your-own-writing.html">I hate my own writing</a>" posts. Nor is it a post looking for accolades from readers saying...<i>"You're wrong, David. Your writing doesn't suck. You're an amazing writer!"</i> While I thank you for any kind thoughts that come to your mind upon reading this, I want to stop you from sharing any compliments with me. Why? Because that's not helpful right now.<br />
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Instead, I want you to tear me apart! It doesn't even have to be worded tactfully. While I need constructive criticism, <b>I don't need you to waste time choosing your words carefully. Just be blunt with me.</b> Lay it right out there. Whatever comes first to your mind. Let it bypass your filter and say it, <a href="http://blog.penelopetrunk.com">Penelope Trunk</a>-style. I want to hear it!<br />
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And I promise you won't hurt my feelings nor will I resent you for it. I've put on my big boy pants for this. Thick skinned, braced and ready. I can take it. So fire away! Please, I'm begging you! And I never beg so you know I'm serious and desperate here. <b>Tell me how bad I suck so I can suck less. Or ideally, not at all.</b><br />
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<i>PS (If you're one of those lurkers who reads my blog that rarely comments, or has never commented before, I encourage you to break that cycle today. Because the reality of it all is that I'm doing this for YOU - the reader. I want to write in a way that sucks you in, moves you, and has you craving more. Is that too much to shoot for?)<br />
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PPS (I'm asking for this help now because I want to correct the problem before my new blog launches! I'm promising that the new blog will come with more awesome. It will expose more fear and embrace more vulnerability. It will be bold and blunt and powerful. It's going to be incredibly raw! I think you're going to love it. Or at least that is what I'm being told deep down in my gut. And I've learned to listen to my gut. It's a friend of mine. A squishy bestie. Now you be a bestie and tell me how bad I suck - honestly. I'll love you long time for it.)</i>David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-73657651273594150082011-11-10T13:56:00.006-05:002011-11-10T14:14:47.782-05:00Kicking Ass! One Goal At A TimeI have a goal.<br />
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<b>In exactly 1 year from now I'm going to <a href="http://www.officialbridgeday.com">B.A.S.E jump off a 876ft bridge</a> over the New River Gorge in WV.</b><br />
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I have a problem.<br />
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I've never skydived before and you need a minimum of 100 skydives to B.A.S.E jump.<br />
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The solution? It's an obvious one. Start jumping!<br />
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<center><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/rDe5rXZDag0?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center><br />
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Goals. We all have them. Some more than others. And some scarier than others. To achieve the big things in life we dream of we have to set a goal and actively work towards it. Now comes the sticky part. The goal setting is easy. The goal keeping is hard. It's not necessarily hard because we're lazy. But it's hard because the steps needed to achieve a big goal can often feel overwhelming! And when something feels overwhelming to us we get stressed out, frustrated, and sometimes even scared. Then we give up. It doesn't have to be like that though. And I'm here to help you make sure it's NEVER like that again!<br />
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Any half-decent Life Coach will tell you that if you're constantly falling short of reaching your goals that your problem is most likely one of two things.<br />
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1. Accountability<br />
2. You're setting the bar too high.<br />
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Accountability is similar to a support system, or a nagging Mother in your ear. When someone agrees to hold you accountable for something they do more than keep you on track. They help push your "I think I can, I think I can" choo choo train forward. They're capable of lighting a fire under the ass of even the most unmotivated person. And if someone loves you and believes in you enough to help hold you accountable, you owe it to them to succeed! Because that is their payoff. To see you achieve what you sought out to achieve.<br />
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However, you are an adult. And as an adult you shouldn't need a personal cheerleader. You should be man (or woman) enough to cheer and lead yourself on. So how do you do that? Well you don't lower the bar. You just build a step ladder so reaching it becomes easier.<br />
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<b>When someone says <i>"you're setting the bar too high"</i> it's insulting! They're implying that you could never reach such a feat and it's wise to think smaller, to lower your standards and squash down your dreams. We all deserve to dream big! And we deserve it to ourselves to reach big goals and not settle for less (which in my case is no less than 876 feet)!</b><br />
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If I said I can help you make your wildest dreams come true and show you how to hold yourself accountable for your own success by doing just one small thing today, would you do it? If you're nodding your head yes, then keep reading.<br />
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<b>Today set 1 goal for yourself that you must accomplish before midnight tonight. It can be anything, even something silly like "my goal is not to spill food on my shirt at lunch." The idea here isn't so much about accomplishing the goal, but rather proving to yourself that you're capable of doing anything you set your mind to. It gets you in the pattern of goal setting and holding yourself personally accountable for seeing it through.</b><br />
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Tomorrow set another, slightly bigger goal for yourself that you must accomplish. But this time give yourself 1 week to complete it. Keep this pattern up by setting a bigger, scarier goal and setting an appropriate deadline in which to achieve the goal. You'll find that instead of limiting the size or number of your dreams, that if you just focus on one small goal at a time, you're much more likely to achieve them! In addition, each goal can be broken down into small manageable chunks so that envisioning the finish line doesn't feel overwhelming! <a href="http://expertenough.com/385/how-to-run-a-marathon">Training for a marathon</a> is a perfect example of this. You don't suddenly run all 26.2 miles in one day! You run a few miles a day over months of training. And before you know it, BAM! You just knocked 26.2 out on pavement. Goal accomplished!<br />
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Of course what I said here are probably things most of you already know. So perhaps I just wanted to write this post as a way to hold myself personally accountable for achieving my own goal - to B.A.S.E jump off a 876ft bridge. And that's what I'm going to do. <b>I'm going to climb the steps and jump from the ledge...without a fucking clue how it's all going to turn out.</b><br />
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<b>What's your goal for today? For tomorrow? For a year from now? Jump on that!</b>David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-42701966030045407592011-10-26T12:52:00.003-04:002011-10-26T13:02:31.461-04:00My Birthday Mission. Are You In?<b>I need your help.</b><br />
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Don't worry. It won't cost you a single penny. It won't even cost you much time. In most cases, it will take less than 60 seconds to complete. And as you may know, <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2011/02/for-every-minute.html">a lot can be accomplished in a single minute</a>.<br />
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<b>My birthday is this Friday, October 28th. And I want you to help me celebrate it.</b><br />
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No, I don't want you to buy me a present. And no, I don't even want you to wish me a happy birthday. I want you to do something different. Something special. Something for someone else. A stranger.<br />
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<b>This Friday, October 28th, I want you to perform a <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2006/01/random-act-of-kindness-will-continue.html">random act of kindness</a> to a complete stranger.</b><br />
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Why?<br />
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Well I've always felt a bit uncomfortable when someone buys me a present, even a card! I love giving presents, but I feel guilty when someone gives me one. I feel I don't deserve it. I don't know why that is because I was a greedy child just like everyone else. I suppose it has to do with the fact that a few years ago my parents fell on very hard times. So as a family, we all agreed not to exchange birthday or Christmas presents anymore. Gifts are one of the ways I show my love to the people I care about. So it's very difficult for me to be asked NOT to do that. But as a result, it has forced me to show my love in other ways. And performing Random Acts Of Kindness are one of the ways I do this.<br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Ideas To Help Get You Started</span></b><br />
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<ul><li>Make a shy child laugh.</li>
<li>Hold the door open for someone.</li>
<li>Buy a lottery ticket for a stranger.</li>
<li>Walk an elderly person's dog. (Counts as 2x the kindness! You're being kind to the elderly person and to the dog!)</li>
<li>Donate some of your used clothes to Good Will.</li>
<li>Let someone in a hurry cut in line infront of you.</li>
<li>Pay for the car behind you at the toll booth. (This is especially great because it's nearly impossible for them to thank you. And that's how Random Acts Of Kindness should be done - to be nice, not for recognition.)</li>
<li>Change a fellow motorists's flat tire. (I once got a date that way! But that's not why you should be doing it.)<br />
</li>
<li>Give a compliment about your waiter/waitress to his/her manager.<br />
</li>
<li>Surprise an extra busy waiter/waitress who appears to be having a hard day by tipping them more than your actual bill costs. (I'm a big fan of treating restaurant staff kindly because I know their job sucks and they may very well spit in your food if you're a jerk.)</li>
</ul><br />
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What goes around, comes around. So help me make this a happy birthday by spreading a little happy. It's sure to make me, you, and a complete stranger feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And I can't think of a better birthday present than that!<br />
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Now for the selfish part, <b>I want you to report back here and tell me what you did. So leave a comment below.</b> I'm taking Friday off and will be away for the weekend. So come Monday, I hope to see the comment section full of warm fuzzy stories.<br />
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In advance, I thank you!David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-61476433428696966252011-10-20T13:27:00.006-04:002011-10-20T16:14:19.395-04:00Are Bloggers Scary? 3 Myths Debunked<b><i>"Have you ever been nervous to write someone? It’s silly. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?"</i></b><br />
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This is a very honest confession. It was a confession I received recently from a reader. And it seems like many of us feel this way - scared to contact a blogger. I'll admit there were times when I have felt a bit nervous or intimidated in contacting a blogger, especially if they were considered an A-List Blogger. But it is silly.<br />
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If you've been blogging for awhile you've probably received your fair share of fan mail. I hate the term "fan mail" as much as I hate the term "A-List Blogger." I hate it because it automatically puts the e-mail recipient (blog author) on a higher pedestal than the sender (blog reader). And that simply isn't cool. It sets this artificial, predetermined hierarchy of importance that hasn't been earned nor deserved.<br />
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I want to change that.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYMMugSm4W87-QZuRdWhhJjPg784Is1XMdgoiHbHN89LAoeqIOIfuNMnL_tA7VvXSXkQmKKR4CIpoZFOrIHvjVuxso9WXyyx54jLeB9nQUD2dFY6wseJpcJkuW1okf8Mx0PfOx/s1600/scarycomputer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="266" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYMMugSm4W87-QZuRdWhhJjPg784Is1XMdgoiHbHN89LAoeqIOIfuNMnL_tA7VvXSXkQmKKR4CIpoZFOrIHvjVuxso9WXyyx54jLeB9nQUD2dFY6wseJpcJkuW1okf8Mx0PfOx/s400/scarycomputer.jpg" /></a></div><br />
So I'm going to debunk the myths and break down some of the stereotypes associated with bloggers so that readers feel more comfortable about engaging with them.<br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Myth #1 - Bloggers Are Narcissistic</span></b><br />
Ok, this is less of a myth and more of an ugly fact...to a point. Every blogger is a little narcissistic. That may sting to hear. But you know it's the truth! Feeding one's narcissism is how blogging evolved. When blogging started in the late 90s they were basically online diaries. Putting your life out there for all the world to see? It doesn't get more narcissistic than that! Thankfully, blogs today have evolved away from that teenage angst-style of word vomit. Of course there isn't a single blogger alive that doesn't love reading all the comments on their latest post and doesn't eat up any warm fuzzy you float their way.<br />
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So how is that not narcissistic? Well you get what you give. Most bloggers today write less about/for ME, ME, ME and more about/for YOU. I already know about me. What I don't know about is you! Anyone who has ever dated me can attest to the fact that I'm far more fascinated in learning about them than I am talking about myself. My online interactions are no different. In short, bloggers are good people. They're good not because they have to be, but because they want to be. They just are.<br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Myth #2 - They'll Just Ignore Me, So Why Bother?</span></b><br />
For whatever reason, readers don't expect the blogger to be nice. Or maybe it's that they just don't expect me to be nice? Because when I reply, they often say <i>"I'm shocked you wrote back!"</i> Perhaps they assumed their letter would receive a canned reply from a bot or simply vanish into cyberspace receiving no reply at all. I can't speak for other bloggers, but I don't work like that. If you take the time to write me, I'll take the time to write back. It's that simple.<br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Myth #3 - I Don't Want To Be Another Fan Girl/Fan Boy</span></b><br />
They'll say <i>"I've been reading you for (insert x amount of time), but never commented or introduced myself."</i> If I had a nickel for every time someone said <i>"I'm sure you get a lot of these so I was reluctant to write,"</i> I'd be a rich man! People also often tell me that they feel nervous, stupid, or crazy for writing me. And honestly, I don't understand why. I'm a person, just like you. What's to be scared about? Besides, bloggers are social beings! Bloggers love meeting new people and chatting them up. Half the fun of blogging is the community that surounds it - the engagement. So leave them a comment, drop them a line, say hello. What's the worst that can happen?<br />
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<b>Really, what's the worst that can happen?</b> They don't write back. So what! At least now you know who not to spend your time on. Or the other fear, they write back and aren't nice? Who cares! The beauty of the Internet is that you can "delete" the mean people from the world. Sure they will still be an asshole in real life, but at least you won't have to deal with them. You can simply delete them from your virtual world and move on. Voila!<br />
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<b>Do bloggers still seem scary now?</b>David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-70033769587133341622011-10-13T14:42:00.002-04:002011-10-13T19:40:35.071-04:00Understanding BlameI wrote a post awhile back titled <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2011/05/understanding-anger.html">Understanding Anger</a>.<br />
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For someone who often <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2010/07/when-you-hate-your-own-writing.html">hates his own writing</a>, I felt it was one of my better pieces to date. So I wanted to write a second piece about Anger's close cousin - Blame.<br />
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<b>Blame isn't about about right and wrong. And it's not about someone else at all. Blame is an internal war.</b> Similar to anger, blame is just another <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2006/02/when-words-seem-generic-what-is-it.html">mask for pain</a>. Anger is a symptom of something deeper. It is never the problem. The real problem is hurt, fear, and/or frustration. The same could be said for blame.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoNHs0_nweoWwvuE677nFHZXGGalWXlqiSkiT3Wxm9oIzo_AaR4EKqK4wwFreIyZU757R25_5gZ57vMdSWMqdoBoeHKPqmn-JDr3iva8w91Wl_Ugln0J8jeQV7ol3BLRa7tVbn/s1600/fingerpointing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="300" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoNHs0_nweoWwvuE677nFHZXGGalWXlqiSkiT3Wxm9oIzo_AaR4EKqK4wwFreIyZU757R25_5gZ57vMdSWMqdoBoeHKPqmn-JDr3iva8w91Wl_Ugln0J8jeQV7ol3BLRa7tVbn/s400/fingerpointing.jpg" /></a></div><br />
We like to numb our pain. It's what we do. One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. When we get our heart broken we engage in "rebound sex" or quickly find ourselves entering in to a "rebound relationship." It numbs the pain and temporarily fills the void. But it never heals the true, deeper problem lying underneath. We do the same with alcohol or when we consume ourselves in our work and hobbies. It's another lame attempt to distract ourselves from the pain so we don't have to deal with it.<br />
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Even those who take a healthier route and choose meditation say they meditate because it clears their heart and mind. But really many just use their meditation time as an acceptable quiet place to escape to so they are no longer forced to feel. In today's society, meditation has become the trendiest of all masks.<br />
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<b>We numb because we don't want to feel, that's obvious. And one of the easiest ways to keep yourself from feeling anything is to make it about someone (often anyone) other than yourself. To push your shit out on them so it doesn't stack up inside of you. To point blame.</b><br />
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The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right. You're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. Politics aren't any different. They're is nothing but mud slinging and finger pointing. There's no discourse anymore. No conversation. Just blame. Blame is simply a way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. We blame.<br />
<br />
Nowhere is blame more prevalent than in the falling out of a relationship. Few people like to take responsibility for their fair share of the damage. Instead they blame. They point a finger at the other person because it's easier than pointing a finger at themselves. <b>It's easier to say <i>"something is wrong with him/her because clearly the problem couldn't lie in me!"</i></b> Again, we perfect. We blame.<br />
<br />
I also believe blame stands in for fear. Fear we will be proven wrong. Fear they will be proven right, or always were right. Fear is a strong emotion that makes us feel weak. But blame on the other hand is a weak action that makes us feel strong! So it's easy to see why many replace fear with blame. It's the safer, more manageable choice.<br />
<br />
<b>Blame is ugly. Blame is weak. Blame is wrong. But above all, blame is just an excuse to mask one's internal pain. And understanding what blame really is the first step in rising above the blame game.</b><br />
<br />
What about you? Where in your life right now are you guilty of pointing blame? And how do you plan on rising above it?David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-70754255616854266362011-10-06T00:14:00.002-04:002011-10-06T01:21:53.194-04:00Be Crazy And You'll Change The WorldHere's to the crazy ones.<br />
The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers.<br />
<br />
The round pegs in the square holes.<br />
The ones who see things differently.<br />
<br />
They're not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo.<br />
You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify and vilify them.<br />
<br />
<b>About the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things.</b><br />
They push the human race forward.<br />
<br />
And while some may see them as crazy, we see genius.<br />
<br />
Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world...<br />
<br />
<center><iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/dX9GTUMh490?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<i><b>"We're here to put a dent in the universe." - Steve Jobs (1955-2011)</b></i></center><br />
<br />
...are the ones who do.<br />
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<br />
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* Related post of interest: <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2011/08/lifes-greatest-catalyst-is-death.html">8/31/11 Life's Greatest Catalyst Is Death</a>David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-12407982277010319572011-09-29T16:52:00.002-04:002011-09-30T02:05:47.594-04:00Career Blogs Need To Incorporate Sex And SwearingDo business advice blogs bore you?<br />
<br />
Yeah, me too.<br />
<br />
And that's a shame because they are often packed with lots of great content! The trouble is they often pack that great content in a boring manila folder. And lets be honest, no one is ever eager to peek inside a boring manila folder.<br />
<br />
So these posts get overlooked and their great advice goes unheard because the presentation and delivery are all wrong. They've failed to entice the reader and get them excited to read more!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP2OC3ajY3RlUXOEHl-T0yh0fOBPzJguW3CaSJATTibQJEWJVoODgllJDGkANYUw_U8a-gtz_3N0zcy4W2s9ZJZWMB1D7oxHMXrwwNqEFSNHIS8g1NCdYJ0Pzm_6FUB3CkIpsJ/s1600/punk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="400" width="356" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP2OC3ajY3RlUXOEHl-T0yh0fOBPzJguW3CaSJATTibQJEWJVoODgllJDGkANYUw_U8a-gtz_3N0zcy4W2s9ZJZWMB1D7oxHMXrwwNqEFSNHIS8g1NCdYJ0Pzm_6FUB3CkIpsJ/s400/punk.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Smart business advice doesn't vary much whether you are writing from an tropical island as a location independent entrepreneur, or from a corner office with a birds-eye view overlooking the island of Manhattan. It doesn't even vary much if you're writing from inside four dull gray cubicle walls.<br />
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The point is, from WHERE you write doesn't matter. HOW you write does! And personally, <b>I would be more likely to read career blogs if they incorporated some sex and swearing.</b> Anything to spice it up!<br />
<br />
I don't write a lot of <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2010/12/top-10-cold-hard-truths-about.html">career/entrepreneurship advice</a> here on my blog. Although I'm told I should. I don't write on the topic or even talk to my friends and family about business because quite frankly, at the end of a workday, I'm sick of talking about work.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong. I love discussing business - hearing people's views, sharing my own, learning and applying new strategies. I just prefer to discuss it in a way that's more relaxed, more relatable.<br />
<br />
Earlier this week I was asked to write a guest post for <a href="http://www.brazencareerist.com">Brazen Careerist</a>, a career-management site for high achieving young professionals and ambitious college students. I've had close to two dozen of <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/search/label/BrazenCareerist%20Feature?&max-results=500">my posts featured on Brazen Careerist</a> in the past. So I'm guessing they like my edgy take on life and work.<br />
<br />
Here is a nibble of my most recent one...<br />
<br />
<blockquote><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Giving It Away On A First Date and In Business</span></b><br />
Ever notice that people who have a product or service of value are happy to give you a trial run or a money-back guarantee? That’s because they’re confident that once you get a taste of what they’ve created, you’ll come back for more. It’s the classic “try before you buy” concept. You hook them with that nibble.</blockquote><blockquote>It’s sort of like a first-date kiss. (Well, minus the nibble unless you’re into that sort of thing.) The kiss should be good, but small. Just enough to make them want more, to convince them to say yes to a second date and keep the thought of you lingering...</blockquote><blockquote><a href="http://blog.brazencareerist.com/2011/09/26/giving-it-away">Click To Read The Full Post</a></blockquote><br />
Think of it like this. If you were standing on a corner with two men, one in a stuffy black suit and the other with a free-flowing purple mohawk, who would seem more fun to chat up?<br />
<br />
Exactly! That's why I strive to write from a place inside myself that resembles a punk-haired businessman. Well, I'm currently sporting a fohawk undyed and missing a tie today. But close enough.David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-9097111943879511552011-09-23T09:20:00.001-04:002011-09-23T19:18:38.732-04:00Forging Friendships With Unlike-Minded PeopleWe are attracted to like-minded people. We form friendships and romantic relationships with those who share our similar interests, goals, beliefs and core values. Just look at the people you surround yourself with. Notice the familiar flavor.<br />
<br />
And because they are familiar the bonds are effortless, comfortable and strong. <b>Rarely do we step completely outside our comfort zone and approach someone that is nothing at all like us! Because to do that is scary and seems awkward, like filling space with the echo of crickets where conversation should lie.</b> So to avoid chirping insects, sweaty palms and restless feet we stick to those we share common ground with. We stick to like-minded people.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYQW1aDgEi7F2QyfJii9wHQPLhguOmUEe2eQXoPKGGO_HBaP_A67hf9oJAAMi3cv0Bpw-NocdXZrOa3MIA83iA843osaSxC8n2B57nuH5BUvOlPqhszwVrFHcApf8XrzYAalOt/s1600/likeminded.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="287" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYQW1aDgEi7F2QyfJii9wHQPLhguOmUEe2eQXoPKGGO_HBaP_A67hf9oJAAMi3cv0Bpw-NocdXZrOa3MIA83iA843osaSxC8n2B57nuH5BUvOlPqhszwVrFHcApf8XrzYAalOt/s400/likeminded.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
No one would question why I'm friends with the people I'm friends with IRL (In Real Life as they say) because we compliment one another. We match up just perfectly. But when it comes to the online world some of these relationships not only surprise others, but have left me scratching my own head!<br />
<br />
Take "Sally" for example. (I'll be using the fictious name "Sally" to protect her identity.)<br />
<br />
<b>I'm not sure two people could be more different - "Sally" and I.</b> It's always baffled me that she reads my blog and likes my writing. I feel like I would be highly offensive to her (ex: <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2009/10/manwhore-relapse.html">The Manwhore Relapse</a> post). I like using the word "fuck." She prefers saying "fudge." That's not very like-minded. So I once tried bringing her over to the darkside, corrupt her and get her to swear. I believe I got a "f*ck" out of her. The asterisk is as far as she's going to go. She made it to the light gray side.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>She's a pair of properly pressed slacks.<br />
I'm a pair of broken-in torn bluejeans.</blockquote><blockquote>She's been known to give out hugs.<br />
I've been known to get into fist fights.</blockquote><blockquote>She goes to church on Sunday mornings.<br />
I'm coming home on Sunday mornings.</blockquote><blockquote>She enjoys curling up with a good book.<br />
I enjoy...well, let's just leave it at that.</blockquote><b></b><br />
<b>Good people come in all kinds of flavors and mindsets. Of course most of us will never know this because we will never reach out to anyone other than like-minded people.</b> The only thing that "Sally" and I have in common is that we both agree the sky is blue and the grass is green. Oh and one other thing - blogging.<br />
<br />
<b>That’s the beautiful thing about writing. We’re not just connecting our thoughts and emotions with words. We’re connecting with complete strangers with our words.</b> If it wasn't for blogging, "Sally" and I may have never even exchanged pleasantries. She would stick to her like-minded folk and I would stick to mine. So maybe having a blog is the perfect introduction?<br />
<br />
Bloggers are just good people. They're good to one another because even despite all their differences, whether they type out all four letters of a curse word or drop an asterisk in the middle, they will forever share one common ground - a love for the written word. And sometimes that's enough. Sometimes one similar interest is all it takes to get a conversation going. To spawn many more conversations. To forge the most interesting and most unlikely of friendships.<br />
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Thank you written word.David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-13529495279948841132011-09-14T12:48:00.004-04:002011-09-14T13:05:31.126-04:00Busy People SuckYou know that guy that's portrayed in movies? The guy who wouldn't remember your name even if it was written on your forehead. The guy who can't get his shit together. Apparently that guy is me.<br />
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Lately I've become too wrapped up in my work. The other week my assistant had to remind me that my nephew was turning 1 and I should send a present. I never wanted to be that guy. The guy that needs reminders from his assistant to take care of the personal life he has neglected. <b>I hate that guy!</b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoSj86z-VdqmzZQbJP8hY_W2yl4BXAsXdP60hp3lYj1hAnrRipeSzBFEB4H4okOP7n3CmxiZB8-TcCLiwOwBPnsML6uHWf3AM3Ps3ywUf9GhBZt05bOSjYnfeFg1Q35uobJYN9/s1600/busy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoSj86z-VdqmzZQbJP8hY_W2yl4BXAsXdP60hp3lYj1hAnrRipeSzBFEB4H4okOP7n3CmxiZB8-TcCLiwOwBPnsML6uHWf3AM3Ps3ywUf9GhBZt05bOSjYnfeFg1Q35uobJYN9/s400/busy.jpg" width="400" /></a></b></div><br />
I refuse to ever be the guy that has someone else send gifts or flowers on his behalf. The guy that can't remember special dates, like birthdays and anniversaries, all on his own.<br />
<br />
I love giving gifts, writing a nice note, or picking out the perfect flowers. I've never been the guy who grabs the first card he sees in the store or just sends standard roses to get it over with.<br />
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I've always taken pride in the fact that I put a lot of time and thought in what gift I select and what words I choose to accompany it. That there is personal meaning behind it all. That it ties together. And most importantly, that there's no denying it's from me because it reflects me. And that there's no denying it's for you because it reflects you.<br />
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<b>So what happens when you forget to remind yourself not to forget? What excuse do you use? The standard, "I was busy?"</b><br />
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I've never thought of myself as a forgetful person because forgetful people are usually unorganized, uncaring, or simply selfish. I am none of those things. Or am I? Or maybe I really am just busy.<br />
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<b>Busy is an ugly word too. Say it outloud - busy. It's short. It's cold. Busy.</b><br />
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It implies I don't have time for you.<br />
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It's become standard dialog in our lives...<br />
<br />
<blockquote><i>"Hey, how've you been?"<br />
<i>"Good. I've been busy."</i></i></blockquote><br />
<b> But you know what? Busy isn't always good. Busy isn't always commendable. Busy sometimes sucks. And if you've been "busy" a lot, chances are you kinda suck too.</b>David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-23334008546605461322011-08-31T09:46:00.006-04:002011-08-31T09:46:00.100-04:00Life's Greatest Catalyst Is DeathWhy does it take death, or the threat of death, to create necessary change in our lives?<br />
<br />
Sick people wait until they've been <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2011/03/elephant-in-room.html">diagnosed with cancer</a> before they make changes to their lifestyle. And healthy people wait until someone they love dies before they start telling those still living that they love them. Why do we wait so long before we take action?<br />
<br />
<b>When did death become a catalyst for living?</b><br />
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<center><iframe width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/UF8uR6Z6KLc?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center><br />
<br />
I waited until <a href="http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2011/01/love-liberates.html">my Grandmother</a> turned 90 before I started calling and visiting her on a regular basis. When she turned 90, it scared me. And like a much needed slap to the head, it woke me up. She will turn 92 in a few weeks and I feel more frightened than I did 2 years ago. <b>It took the reality of her death being near for me to create change.</b><br />
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I waited until I was faced with an impending layoff at my first real job out of college to give myself the extra push I needed to start my own company. Ever since I was a kid I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur. But for whatever reason, I waited. I waited until it was physically impossible for me to wait anymore. <b>It took the death of my first real job for me to create change.</b><br />
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I waited until I was in a near fatal motorcycle accident (police even prematurely announced me "dead on the scene") until I got up the balls to break up with my then girlfriend. I knew she was selfish and cared more for herself than me. But I needed that final punch to the gut. The timing of my accident wasn't convenient for her. It interrupted plans for a vacation I had promised to take her on. I needed to witness her lack of compassion and understanding. I needed to witness her thinking of only herself so I could do what was best for myself, which was to move on. <b>It took the death of that relationship for me to create change.</b><br />
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Last week Apple CEO, <a href="http://www.apple.com/pr/library/2011/08/24Letter-from-Steve-Jobs.html">Steve Jobs, announced he was resigning</a> due to his declining health. Since then, countless news articles have been written about his resignation that read less like a corporate restructuring plan and more like a Steve Jobs obituary column! Steve Jobs is NOT dead! However, many are predicting the worse will happen sooner rather than later.<br />
<br />
<b>So today I leave you with some words on Life, Death, and most importantly Change...</b> <br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b>2005 Stanford University Commencement</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b>by: Steve Jobs</b></span><br />
<blockquote><i>When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.<br />
<br />
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. <b>Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.</b><br />
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No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because <b>Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent.</b> It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.<br />
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Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.</i></blockquote><br />
<b>Here's to naked living.</b>David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-24289461115413144752011-08-25T14:44:00.001-04:002011-08-25T14:48:20.144-04:00Wanting. Wanting What You Don't Want. And Giving Up.<b>Ever want something or think you want something, give it to yourself and shortly after realize you didn't really want it that bad after all?</b> That you could have made due without, but fell victim to that overwhelming greedy "want it gotta have it right now" syndrome.<br />
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<b>It's called wanting what you don't want. And it can be applied to just about anything from a pizza to a relationship.</b><br />
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It reminds me of those Cold Stone Creamery cups where you must decide your level of self-indulgence. They offer 3 portions sizes - Like It, Love It, Gotta Have It. I always imagine a fat little kid's face pressed up against the glass, wide-eyed and salivating over the countless sugary choices. They all look so delicious! How could one ever decide?<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5ChmvfKf16kIE8WJxEs07imSE35IZ8on_9_D_T-ETsQAPxD14TO9e2S46kFphIUl_ZZYoA7SzNu5lQJxeEmGaZozB-ZWTERRTYaZKm078q-nZk_QZoO-mT74nQ5a1n2nrt4wa/s1600/coldstone.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="264" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5ChmvfKf16kIE8WJxEs07imSE35IZ8on_9_D_T-ETsQAPxD14TO9e2S46kFphIUl_ZZYoA7SzNu5lQJxeEmGaZozB-ZWTERRTYaZKm078q-nZk_QZoO-mT74nQ5a1n2nrt4wa/s400/coldstone.png" /></a></div><br />
That's exactly what I feel like. A kid in a <strike>candy store</strike> ice-cream shop, indecisive and drooling. Even when I manage to finally decide on one selection, I realize shortly after that what I thought I wanted I didn't really want that bad after all. I simply satisfied an urge. Acted on impulse. I indulged on a Gotta Have It cupful. Then again, it's NYC. And the streets are filled with an abundance of beautiful, single women.<br />
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Don't get confused. That's just an example. And this post isn't about casual sex. It's about the abundance of decisions we are faced with everyday in our lives! It's enough to make anyone's eyes glaze over like a fat little kid in an ice-cream shop.<br />
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People talk about not acting on things quickly enough. But think about all the things you acted too quickly on! If you had just allowed yourself to want it a bit longer. Admired it. Pined for it. Thought it through. <b>If you had just delayed instant gratification for the soul purpose of mastering a beautiful quality known as patience, just think of how differently things could be right now.</b><br />
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Then there are the times that despite not being impulsive or greedy, your interest simply fades.<br />
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And you can't quite figure out if you truly no longer want it, or if you just gave up on wanting it so bad that you subconsciously fooled yourself into believing you no longer want it.<br />
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<b>Because it's easier to say <i>"I no longer want this"</i> than to say <i>"I gave up on wanting it."</i></b>David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5673875.post-48029037489183199482011-08-18T16:15:00.000-04:002011-08-18T16:15:14.631-04:00When You Feel The Urge To Vomit, You're Living RightLast night I started writing the first post for my new blog (no, it hasn't launched yet). A post that is deeply personal and will easily be the most terrifying post I'll ever push publish on. Then I stopped writing it because it made me want to throw-up. Seriously, the urge began to overwhelm me. And I'll tell you why that's a good thing.<br />
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<b>Because it forces me to be uncomfortable.</b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhopDAtq_7G0GX5CqX6PeTZBkTHaUpD2zwZsuNw7sazndCobkOvBbUIm9L5tjty6R14z0hqY2G72FhFzrHnoxKe71t2614AV2ywGvFC83gJMqlIkSjB4TM6eXX0gz2SP70m8Ck7/s1600/airsick.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="400" width="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhopDAtq_7G0GX5CqX6PeTZBkTHaUpD2zwZsuNw7sazndCobkOvBbUIm9L5tjty6R14z0hqY2G72FhFzrHnoxKe71t2614AV2ywGvFC83gJMqlIkSjB4TM6eXX0gz2SP70m8Ck7/s400/airsick.png" /></a></div><br />
I'm not referring to the type of discomfort brought on by bad underwear that keep riding up or dress shoes that pinch your toes. Those are external discomforts.<br />
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I'm referring to internal discomforts. The kind of terror that keeps you up at night, tossing and turning. The kind of terror that makes your palms sweaty and your knees weak. The kind of terror that makes you want to vomit all over yourself at the sheer thought of proceeding forward.<br />
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Perfect example, being stuck in a loveless marriage. Why doesn't the person leave? Because they're comfortable. <b>Comfortable will keep you stuck. Stuck in a dead marriage. Stuck in a dead job. Stuck in a dead town. Stuck "living" a dead life!</b><br />
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<b>Simply put, comfortable is bad.<br />
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The urge to vomit all over yourself is good!</b><br />
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Some people would go as far to say that you should always be uncomfortable. I don't know if I would go that far because one may lose their sanity living in a state of constant uncertainty. But living with a little fear never hurt anyone. In fact, I think it's quite healthy!<br />
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I like to think people get airsick on planes not because of the motion or altitude, but because they are taking flight! That they are about to embark on new territory. To journey unfamiliar grounds. And that's both scary and thrilling.<br />
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So I urge you to break out of your comfort zone. Whether that involves writing with complete transparency and vulnerability or taking some giant leap in your life that has caused your stomach to flip-flop for days, weeks, months or even years - DO IT!<br />
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And when you feel the urge to vomit, you'll know you're living right.David Stehlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13043706128413626184noreply@blogger.com18